34
. . .
the exact chain of events is a little hard to remember. That's what happens when
you get a couple mudslides in you. If you don't know what they are, maybe that's
cause in New York they're called screaming orgasms. They're kahlua and run [sic] and
vodka and who knows what else but after maybe two of 'em, you start seeing God.
Anyway, they were drinking mudslides at the Hyatt and then when they started
biting people, their manager took away the keys to their 'vettes and made them
stay in the hotel.
Biting? Oh, that's just a little roll, a new hot tip, they got into on the road after
they got tired of BB guns which they got into after whatever else they were doing in
the way of trashing rooms got kinda old. You know what happens when you shoot
up a motel room with BBs, don't you? The problem isn't just replacing the mirrors
and all the stuff from room service that you used for target practice, it's that all
those little pellets get really stuck in the walls and you have to replace the wallpaper
and that could be at least $8000 you could really spend a lot better on lights or
something that's gonna make the '85 show fuckin' incredible, man.
Vince says all of the touring in the past year, has definitely made them way more
professional. Instead of trashing a motel wall (well, sometimes they don't always
give you connecting rooms so you just have to make them), now they just rip up
somethin'. Or bite somebody. But don't worry. They only bite people they like.
Last night that included the waitress and their manager. He's used to it, even if
he is black and blue. He's gone to emergency rooms so often now for tetanus shots
it's gotten to be as ordinary as brushing his teeth. Yeah, you have to get a tetanus
shot if the skin gets broken. Human bites are worse than an animal's because of the
bacteria in the saliva. Their road manager's read up all about it. He sort of had to.
The clap? Oh, that was, uh, the road crew. They're all sex gods, too. In fact, they
try out the girls before they ever get to the band. This band has a really efficient
road manager, he really codes the backstage passes well. See, the girls that have a
patch with a slash on it, they've already been with the road crew to get that pass. If
it's a slash or PSP, pre-show pussy, that means she got that pass before the show
and the band knows to stay away from her. What would you have to do to get that
pass? Oh, probably perform some spectacular feat in the back of the bus. Like
taking on three-fourths of the road crew. If one guy gets a girl, he's not gonna give
her a pass. He's gonna have him and his buddy back there bring on the lighting
guys. Just like everyone gets a shot at it. You find these girls that will do just
anything to get backstage. They're troupers, man. You've never seen some girls take so
much. These girls'll do anything, man. Ask 'em to bark, they'll bark. Where do you
find them? You can find them just about anywhere. Arf!
What was really funny was the way every girl who got on the bus had to leave a
little something behind. By the end of the tour, the bus was entirely decorated with
underwear. But they had to throw it all away somewhere before
What Nikki would rather be doing right now is get into some serious flesh, that's
what he calls it. Instead, he's waiting for Vince to record over the worst mistakes on
songs Nikki's so sick of he says he wishes he'd never written them, like "Merry Go
Round." That's about a mental institution. Nikki says he has a half sister who's
spent her life in one, but that's not why he's sick of the song. It's just he's learned
something about hooks since he wrote it, and he realizes now it doesn't have too
many.
There are these two chicks who work at one of the places on the Strip, and maybe
after they're finished dancing, he and Tommy can persuade them to go back to
Nikki's or some place. Tommy says he'd spend his last dollar (Nikki's down to
$21.40 himself; his new instant teller card hasn't helped his cash flow any) to pay
those girls to make love to one another. After you get off the road, doin' shows
every night and shit, it's just nice to be able to sit back and have someone else
entertain you for a change.
Nikki leafs through Billboard. He's not too interested in where Shout at the Devil
is on the charts. Or their first album, Too Fast for Love, which they recorded on
their own, before connecting with a real producer and a real manager whose family's
oil wells helped pay for the $20,000 costumes, fireworks, and photos that all
helped contribute to the mystique and popularity of a band with Kiss-like makeup,
a Blue Oyster Cultish logo, and whose singer and guitarist sounded a lot like
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